I'm Sorry But I've Changed

I’m sorry, but I’ve changed.

Some was are more obvious than others, yet no matter how large or small the change is, it still defines who I am as a person.

You may notice a long, vertical scar on my left knee from when I had knee surgery to replace my ACL. What you may not know is that I’ve actually torn my ACL twice and worked my butt off in physical therapy in order to walk at my college graduation, without crutches and before the actual surgery.

You may see the lines beginning to appear on my face. These are the remnants of not only stress and fatigue, but also from smiling and laughing at the antics of my sons.

I can often be found massaging my hands and fingers. This comes from all of the writing and typing, not to mention crafting, I do in order to keep my blog up and running. Did you also know I handwrite almost every post before I type it up? I do!

I get frustrated because I’ve gained almost 20 pounds since college and even more since high school. You may have noticed that the size of my pants has gone up, but did you also know that I’ve gained this week after being pregnant twice?

Poise LinersYou may also be aware that I am self-concious about my body. In addition to having gained weight, I also have stretch marks. Some are deep. Did you know that these came from twice carrying a baby who weighed over seven pounds in my womb?

I’m embarrassed because sometimes I pee when I laugh, sneeze, or exercise. What you might not know is that my pelvic floor muscles are weakened after 21 hours of labor and four hours of pushing with my older son. (Because of this, I depend on Poise liners from Sam’s Club to help keep me protected).

Over the years, I’ve changed so much and I can say with certainty that I am not the same person I was 15, 10, or even 5 years ago. The things that I have experienced — the people that I have experienced — have shaped me who I am today. A wife. A mother. A daughter. And you know what? 

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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